Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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