go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
tell me about the fingering
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