I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize