We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
