he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
