i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
