Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
