I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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