thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I believe in your delicious
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
