I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's paint friendship bongs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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