Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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