i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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