Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
