i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
