I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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