did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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