At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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