as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
