One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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