omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
