Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
