I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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