i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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