after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
