nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
