"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
