I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
