I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
smell my finger.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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