I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
