my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
