PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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