Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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