How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
