i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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