Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
