i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
