When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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