get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
