all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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