If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
