if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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