areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
