rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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