the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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