I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
