i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
