Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
