My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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