i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize