theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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