yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They have beer where we have blood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need water and some morals
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
