They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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