I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
