They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
