They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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