I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
