That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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