happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
