just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
