ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
