nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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