Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
