I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
