I wannas sexs uuuuu
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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