I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
