Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
