So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
