I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
